The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.
I need this.
Cards Against Humanity.
I’m a big fan. Well, I bought this.
It’s great. It hold all of my shit. But it holds something else too.
If you have it, open your box.
You see how I started to tear away at the top of the box there?
Do it carefully.
There’s something in there. What could that be?
There’s a card.
There is a card literally hidden in the top of the box.
But what card?
I fucking love these people.
While you wait for the waiter,
in that moment
do you not become the waiter
this website goes from saying the sound a car makes is nyoom to deep philosophical questions so fast it gives me whiplash